Working girl...no more.

27.03.10

My last few days at work and its overwhelming. Working in this place counts as my only real job simply cos of the sheer amount of time i have spent here. 3 years in the era of changing jobs as often as we change cell phones. Transfer contacts, keep some texts, erase others and upgrade. Changing a job is a bit like that; a coupla people you’re genuinely loathe to leave, some you are glad to be seeing the last off, a farewell, the last chilled out week of the notice period and you’ve upgraded to a new job, bigger salary and the hope of finding that elusive thing called job satisfaction.

In the last one month of my notice period, people on my design team have spent an unusual amount of time on my table discussing work, giving me advice for the future, asking me the million dollar question what next?, having coffee...actually jus talking or sometimes not even that, Leaving me wondering why they aren’t getting up and heading off even after the conversation is over and the coffee cup is empty. And then it occurred to me that we are jus spending time together. Something as colleagues we don’t always take time out for.
Some of them have come up to tell me how much difference I have made to their work. Hearing that is an unexpected pleasure. As a boss you always want to know that you have contributed meaningfully. That the work people do is better from your intervention. And there is always that tightrope walk between being the genial popular boss and the serious firm one that gets the work done and pulls up errant team members. In trying to find middle ground, i constantly find myself tipping towards to the serious side. With ‘not encouraging/appreciative enough’ featuring very often in the feedback i take from team members when i do yearly appraisals. Which is why its overwhelming when people on my team make me a mug featuring a mug shot of me and many of theirs and a line that says we cant spell success without you...corny, cliched and flattering? maybe. but it touched my heart and gave me the fleeting reassurance that whatever i did at work for 2 and a half years, some of it sure worked.

A colleague made a digital sketch of me, asked me to sign it and write my address and landline number on it. A bunch of them gave me the magic mouse for my mac and a big bunch of flowers with a note from each one of them. Every little random act of farewell has moved me so much and made me believe that there is much more to work than deadlines, deliverables and office politics. When i handed in my resignation for reasons like wanting to figure what i want to really do, travel more, write more and take more pictures, there is nothing i dreaded more than the business communication meet cum farewell scene. After the customary speech by the head of the business, people are invited to say a few words about the person leaving. discrete coughs, shuffling of feet and silence later we give up the floor to the farewelee and after two lines about a great tenure and polite claps we adjourn to discuss the quarter’s results, sales figures and bid a by-the-way farewell to the person leaving over crunchy kachoris and milk pedas (the only up side of the event). What i least anticipated was spontaneous acts with one simple message - we will miss you.

It dawns on me only now that giving up on being with so many people is as big a challenge as living without the comfort of a salary that reaches the ATM on time. It means lunch times devoid of multi cuisine tiffins that span hisar to calcutta and parupu usli to aloo dum. The knowing that there are so many people to bounce ideas off and share work and take feedback from. Quitting a job in my case wont be as simple as changing a phone, I guess. I think of people i know who have gone from one 10 hour workday to another and just for a mad moment suddenly i am wishing for some of that comfort of certainty. But thats jus’ one moment. Armed with the resolution to really write more, learn more, find what i really want to do and hopefully travel more, i shut my laptop and prepare to drive out of my designated parking slot with a wave at the guard knowing that i will be doing that only 3 times again in this place.